you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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