Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Welp...herpes.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
