jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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