i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
