i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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