Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
