Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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