If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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