I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
