Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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