I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sext me about skeletons
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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