Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize