Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize