You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
