I wannas sexs uuuuu
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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