I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
