if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
