I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's blow job season.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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