and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
