If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
3 2 1 whiskey
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
