At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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