you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
