I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize