I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
