I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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