Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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