just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
