She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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