not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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