so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
