Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
