I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
