summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
