A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think a kid would responsible me up
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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