Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
