Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
