I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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