were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
