I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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