Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
