you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
