our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
