was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
