I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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