I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You dont lie about slip and slides
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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