If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
