took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
