We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
