i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize