Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
