he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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