Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
