it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
