We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize