Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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