i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
