I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
