Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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