Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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