He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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