I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
