okay pat passed out under dana's car
Duck Duck Cougar?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
