Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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