hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Drunk is a universal language darling
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
