I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
