i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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