Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
