I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Randomize
