He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
