is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
