I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
