she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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