God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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