I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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