O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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