I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
