her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
