I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
