If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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