Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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