you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
