i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
