im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
