so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize