I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
