I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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