Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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