If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
