time to smoke my breakfast
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
3 2 1 whiskey
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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