Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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