wakey wakey hands off snakey
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Alive.
So much puke
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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