girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
