ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
third nipple confirmed
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
