My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize