Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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