She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
