Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
