they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
