Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize