....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
